Is there a dark side to “potential?”

What is the first thought that pops into your head when someone says the word “potential?” If, like me, you think something along the lines of “currently unrealized possibilities,” you’re not far off from the group think. In an unofficial social media poll, people defined potential as “…the intersection of possibility, commitment and discipline.”

Sounds harmless.

What if it isn’t? What if there is a dark side to the idea of “potential?”

The connotation of “potential” has always seemed positive. Like someone or something is packed with more goodness than I can see at that moment. That view was upended a couple of weeks ago while watching “American Fiction,” the Academy Award nominated movie about a Black writer frustrated with the tropes of Black people portrayed in modern literature.

In the movie, there is a confrontation between two writers (played by Issa Rae and Jeffrey Wright), discussing the dilemma of “giving the market what it wants” being the easiest way to have her stories read, while he would rather have the walls of this system broken down and people see the “unrealized potential of Black people” in America. She responds to him by saying, “Potential is what people see when they think what’s in front of them isn’t good enough.

Jaw drop!

I paused the movie, sat back and let that sink in – potential in a negative light.

Here we are, two weeks later, and the idea of “potential” is still on my mind. If what we see in people is “potential,” are we seeing them for who they are, or who we think they should be? Why isn’t the person in front of us good enough, exactly as they are? Is it because we think we know better who that person is than they do?

And if that’s the case, who the heck are we to decide that?

Suddenly, “potential” doesn’t seem so singly complimentary.

If the point of telling someone they have potential is to let them know that right now – whoever they are, and whatever skills they possess, they aren’t enough, is it supposed to be aspirational? Are supposed to take someone else’s idea of who we could be as the final word on who we are?

I think back to the times in my life when I’ve been told I had potential.

What did that feel like?

Funnily, there is a small, niggling brain worm that remembers that it didn’t feel like a complete compliment. And while I may have smiled and thanked them, there was definitely a part of me that felt that I had somehow let them down. In hindsight, that doesn’t feel terrific. It probably didn’t feel so great then either.

Perhaps at the end of the day, it matters most who is telling you that you have potential. If it’s a tough love conversation with yourself, well, maybe it’s your source letting you know that you can do better. Listen to that voice.

If it comes from someone else, look at who they are to you – what are their motives, your relationship, and are they genuinely invested in wanting you to succeed.

Most importantly, don’t let someone else’s idea of “potential” derail you or make you feel small, or less than. The question for all of us to ask ourselves, at any time is, “Who do you want to be?” then be that.

LB Adams is the CEO of Practical Dramatics, LLC, TEDx speaker & coach, communication strategist, and author.