Why the Phrase “Work-Life Balance” is Bullsh*t for Women
If you go to any women-centric conference, chances are that there will be a “Work-Life Balance” talk, breakout session, or tract. Of the last five conferences I attended, exactly all of them included some messaging about work-life balance. How did women, in particular, get saddled with the labor of “balancing?” Why, at mixed gender conferences and events are there no male speakers shepherding men into better handling the fractions of home/work/spouse/child/leisure? Here’s why: because it’s a false concept. “Balance” is an illusion, and it’s another bag full of hooey women have been forced to carry since we entered the workforce en masse less than 100 hundred years ago.
At one conference I attended, there was a financial services person speaking about how to set yourself up for a future where balance would be “easier,” i.e. when the children were grown and out of the house.
Another held a panel discussion where women executives and business owners were tasked with repeatedly answering a variation of the question, “How do you balance all the things?” As if there was genuine choice involved. Women are the masters of doing what needs to be done. And we do it constantly, innovatively, and ceaselessly. Can you imagine that same panel with an equally accomplished number of men answering the same questions? I’d be very curious to hear how many, “My wife handles that…” responses we’d find.
In an excellent Fortune article, author Allyssa Jaffee writes, “As a former competitive gymnast, I learned that balance is essentially opposing muscles constricting and relaxing to create the illusion of balance. Balance is actually the act of being unbalanced.” I agree. To achieve balance, you have to stop. Balance requires stillness, a cessation of movement. In life, you aren’t doing anything if all you’re doing is balancing.
With all of the things we women have to touch, handle, manage, designate and do on a daily basis, balance cannot exist. It’s impossible. There is only flow – the moving of one thing to another, to another, constantly. Women are still the primary child-care givers, we handle the bulk of household chores (about 65%), the household decisions - whether medical, financial or cognitive (remembering birthdays, appointments, etc.), and we work. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, women account for 56.8% of the workforce in the United States.
The last 100 years have seen tremendous shifts, gains and losses for women in terms of equality, equity and work roles. Over time and out of necessity, women have inserted themselves into workforces that didn’t want to look past a narrow range of roles, and we’ve asserted ourselves into quality continuing education, resulting in more women in a much broader range of positions, including C-suite. It’s almost hard to believe that in the U.S., we’ve been able to vote for only 100 years and have been allowed to hold credit in our own names since 1974. We’ve come a long way baby.
Unfortunately, post-pandemic over 1 million women left the workforce due to childcare and distance learning disparities. We lost gains that took decades to build, and we’re still feeling the effects. Working mothers in particular. While we’re all working toward parity and equality, a recent Pew Research Center study showed that working husbands have more leisure time than working wives. The divide is even greater for those with children.
Shocking, I know.
So seriously, can we please, please box and bury the very gendered idea of work-life balance? It doesn’t exist. Sometimes work is an exploding steam pipe, and home is a trickle of tasks, and spouse is a smooch on the cheek as you run out the door, and leisure is…well, what’s that? And sometimes you put tape on the pipe, and cuddle with your kid while Venmo-ing your lawn guy and breathing deeply. Because as a modern American woman, we have to do all the things, at varying times, including delegate. That, my friend, isn’t balance, it’s flow. And we’ve been doing it since time began.
Sources:
Alan Kohll, Forbes, The Evolving Definition of Work-Life Balance, 3/27/2018
Erica Pandey, Axios, A Million American mothers are out of work, 2/10/2021
Bureau of Labor Statistics, U.S. Department of Labor, The Economics Daily, Labor force participation rate for women highest in the District of Columbia in 2022 at https://www.bls.gov/opub/ted/2023/labor-force-participation-rate-for-women-highest-in-the-district-of-columbia-in-2022.htm (visited October 29, 2023).
LB Adams is the CEO of Practical Dramatics, LLC, and communication strategies consultant. She is an award-winning speaker and author.